I have a blessed life with so many things to be grateful for. I’ve worked hard, and my body has given everything. Yet, I’m tired, mentally and emotionally drained. I experience bouts of depression, and sometimes I don’t feel anything at all – neither the highs of love nor the lows of tragedy.
I was stuck in a rut trying to do everything that needed to get done, striving to be more productive, to be everything. I hated my life. Not the people in it – I don’t even actually hate my life itself. I don’t wish it were different, but I do feel taken for granted and unimportant.
I put everything on hold for everyone else. I put my career on hold to raise the kids. Twice. Just when I felt I was getting somewhere, I had to do it again. Thankfully, I think it saved my life the second time. I was not in a good space emotionally or mentally. While I felt successful at the time, once I’d been removed from that situation, I realised I was in a really bad place.
You know who put me there? Me. Myself and I. My husband did not. My kids did not. They are all very capable, loving, kind, and caring individuals. I lost myself. It’s easy to do. I’m not sure I’ve met a mum who hasn’t lost herself at some stage.
In a bid to find myself, I’ve been working tirelessly to have something of my own, to be more than just a mum. I get up at 5 AM to work on my ‘things.’ I’ve been trying to write a book since 2017 and have made several attempts to launch an art business or nail business. I have so much creativity, and I’m smart. I should be able to do all these things. I start with good intentions, and everything goes well for a time. Then I burn out, take a couple of days off that turn into several months – all with the goal of being successful.
It’s only recently that I’m starting to understand what success really means to me. Only now, after a few days away journaling and creating art, have I realised that being productive for the sake of it isn’t going to work. Creating things with the sole purpose of being successful won’t work either. I want everyone to know that success to me isn’t about money, or at least not a lot. It never has been. I want enough to buy a few nice things, to retire without having to worry. I hadn’t put a large number on what being successful meant for me. I am no closer to it now than I was 15 years ago.
I have, however, gained a whole lot more experience and self-reflection skills.
Practice with water colour
I no longer wish to be creative just for the sake of being successful. I want to use the things I enjoy to be happy, to help me unwind, to help me enjoy life and relax.
I’m redefining my definition of success – or maybe I’m finally acknowledging what I always thought it was but never allowed myself to admit.
My lesson: create for the joy. Create because it’s relaxing. It makes me happy. Productivity for the sake of it is overrated, and I reject the societal norm of ‘success’.
I have a blessed life filled with countless blessings. While I’ve worked hard and given my all, I’m now embracing a new chapter focused on joy and self-care. Instead of pushing myself to exhaustion, I’m learning to celebrate small moments and find pleasure in simply being.
The pursuit of “productivity” no longer drives me. Instead, I’m giving myself permission to play, to explore, and to create without expectation. This shift has been transformative – I feel lighter, more present, and genuinely happier.
My creative endeavors are now sources of delight rather than pressure. Whether I’m writing, painting, or trying something entirely new, I approach each activity with curiosity and playfulness. There’s freedom in creating solely for the joy it brings.
I’ve discovered that taking time for myself isn’t selfish – it’s essential. Those moments when I’m fully immersed in something I love aren’t “wasted time” but rather precious opportunities to reconnect with my authentic self.
My family thrives when I’m happy and fulfilled. By nurturing my own well-being, I bring more energy and positivity to our shared experiences. We laugh more, connect more deeply, and appreciate each other more fully.
Success, I now understand, isn’t measured by external achievements but by the richness of my daily life. It’s found in meaningful connections, moments of wonder, and the simple pleasure of doing things that make my heart sing.
I’m embracing this liberating truth: life isn’t meant to be a constant grind. It’s a beautiful adventure meant to be savored and enjoyed. By giving myself permission to play and prioritise happiness, I’ve found the true meaning of success – living authentically and joyfully in each moment.
Wishing you endless inspiration and flourishing creativity in your art and garden endeavors. Happy creating!
Whispers from the Garden 
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